Mother’s Day Mourning (and, Celebrating)

Theresa F. Latini

Today I’m remembering my first day on the job as executive director of Mount Olivet Conference & Retreat Center. It was Mother’s Day 2019. Three hundred people streamed through our doors, enjoyed a veritable feast while laughing and reminiscing, and relaxed outside amidst beautiful flowers, soaking up the warm sunshine. Over twenty staff and volunteers welcomed and served with attentiveness and joy.

This Mother’s Day will be very different. For the first time in over 35 years, there will be no banquet, no bodies streaming through the doors, no laughter in the dining hall, no handshakes and hugs. The kitchen and dining hall will be empty and silent as staff, volunteers, and guests sequester in their own homes.

We hope, since the retreat center grounds will be open on Sunday, that some of you will meander over our way, walk the trails, sit outside for a bit, and soak up some sun. We will be glad to see you. Nevertheless, the cancellation of our full Mother’s Day celebration is a loss, versions of which will be replicated across our country as people shelter-at-home in order to care for those most vulnerable and connect with their mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and mother-figures over Zoom, FaceTime, and texts.

Of all the losses I’ve endured in my own life, this pandemic-related cluster feels qualitatively distinct in its reach and its ongoing nature. First, this cluster of losses simultaneously affects every person that I know and billions that I don’t know—though by no means equally. Some are at far greater risk than others. The pandemic compounds existing inequities. Loss may be a great leveler, but it outright flattens some, and not others. Second, we don’t know when the losses will stop accumulating. How many more will get sick and die? Will there be a vaccine in a year? If so, how long before it’s available to everyone? How many more jobs will be lost? Will our kids be able to go to school in the Fall? (Let it be so!) How long before we see our closest friends and family members? I wonder when I will get to see my mother and stepfather, my daughter’s beloved Gabby and Grandpa, again? I choke up when thinking about this one.

Which brings me back to mothers, mothering, and Mother’s Day.

Those who mother know loss, because they know love. Loss comes to mothers in myriad ways: miscarriage and untimely deaths of children; disconnection and cut-offs in family units; witnessing children suffer from disease, injustice, rejection, and deep disillusionment; and the normal letting go as children grow and move on throughout their lives (to name but a few categories).

My favorite mothers (and, if you haven’t realized it, this is a much more expansive category than those who bear children) not only have endured losses but also have mourned those losses in ways that contribute to life. They honestly express their grief; they feel the full range of their emotions; they do not rush past it all too quickly; they allow trusted others to accompany them; they prayerfully lament and therefore keep hope alive in their own hearts; and, then, they notice and celebrate the little signs that life is coming back to them and their loved ones.

Which brings me to God. Toward the end of his life, Jesus mourned and lamented over Jerusalem, saying, “How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!” Scattered throughout the Christian scriptures are references to God as mother, a patient, persistent, educating, nurturing, grieving God whose love knows no bounds. It is not surprising that during the Middle Ages, anchoress Julian of Norwich, whose city had been decimated by the plague and who nearly died from a physical illness herself, wrote so eloquently of Christ as the Mother of all living things. For Julian, Christ gives us life, love, sustenance, wisdom, and knowledge, all that we truly need.

Whatever your circumstances this Mother’s Day, our hope is that you find in God comfort, love, and joy; that you freely and boldly mourn whatever griefs have come your way; and that, in doing so, you are awakened (whether that be today, tomorrow, or sometime in the future) to the beauty and gifts of life and love waiting for you. Know, too, that we look forward to feasting and celebrating together again.

New Resources

Although we can’t prepare it for you, we have shared some favorite recipes from our kitchen’s Mother’s Day menu for you to enjoy a bit of the feast in your own home. This week we are also celebrating the gifts of life found in nature. In this new video, Naturalist Dan Kahl shows us signs of spring at the retreat center.


*Theresa F. Latini, Ph.D. is the Executive Director of Mount Olivet Conference & Retreat Center and an ordained minister in the Presbyterian Church (USA)

10 thoughts on “Mother’s Day Mourning (and, Celebrating)

  1. Dear Theresa,

    I so enjoyed this article you wrote about Mother’s and Mother’s Day. I hope you and Eleanor have a good day together Love you Aunt Cis

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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    1. Thank you, Aunt Cis! I was thinking about my mother and her sisters a lot as I wrote this. Love to you.

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  2. I’m very grateful for your comments,Theresa. I have made much use of the retreat center over the years and it never fails me. And this past January’s Women’s weekend was no exception. Thank you!

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    1. Sue, we are so glad that you and others have enjoyed the retreat center for so long. We look forward to having you back before too long!

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  3. Thank you Theresa. I’ve made much use of the center over many years and it never fails to inspire me. And I have loved attending the Women’s Weekends where I got to meet you this year. I also loved being on Zoom catch up. Keep your thoughtful remarks coming please.

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    1. Thanks, Sue. We will schedule more mini-retreats on Zoom. It was lovely to see you and catch up a bit. Take care!

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  4. Thanks Theresa and Dan. It is great to stay connected. Dan loved the “walk” around the Retreat Center. Was fun to see nature starting to bloom. It reminded me of a wall hanging I had in college, “Bloom where you are planted”. I think this is even more important to try to make the best of our situation during this time of stay at home. Sometimes that can be a challenge. Thanks for making it easier to see some bright signs ahead with nature waking up and keeping us connected with the beautiful Retreat Center. We will get through this together.

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    1. Linda, thanks for your lovely comments and your many years of caring for our retreat center. May you and Jim find ways to enjoy the beauty of your own backyard as you enjoy these scenes from the retreat center, too. Take care!

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  5. This piece spoke to me … breathing a deep breath and thanking you Theresa for your words and deep connection to,love and real life!💕

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    1. Keep breathing and loving and connecting to real life, Louisa! I’ve always known this to be true of you. Thank you for connecting with us!

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